I usually like to laugh my butt off. But sometimes I have a week where I ponder deeply. I don't think I articulate those musings very well. Which is a little bit funny considering that I teach people how to communicate for a living!!
My first child is a 4-legged Bassett/Beagle hound mix. Many years ago, a co-worker rescued her from the dumpster at a hospital. She is completely beautiful to me. She has the shape of a basset with the head and tail of a beagle. She is super smart. Almost human. She has deep, dark tattoo-looking eyeliner around her eyes. She looks at you in a way that says, "I completely understand but what can you do?" She's the first 'real' pet I've ever had. (These pictures don't do her expressions any justice but since we went digital I find myself really just taking pictures of my human children.)
Jantzen is the best dog ever. When we got her in our 2nd year of marriage, my husband said, "Does 12 years sound like a long time to you?" 12 years was the time our vet had just told us was the average age for a dog her size. At the time it seemed forever. We were in a new home, new marriage, new jobs, new town, new dog. I couldn't even see into next week much less next year.
Jantzen is 12 years old this year. She is beginning to show serious signs of arthritis and old age. Her front paw is beginning to 'fuse' due to arthritis which is making her hobble as if she has a hurt front leg. It makes me sad. It also makes me realize once again how precious life is. 12 years has flown by.
Have you ever been in a time in your life where you thought, "I can't wait until.....!!" We are in a place where we 'can't wait' to see who God has planned for our family through this adoption. My gut reaction as I think about this is sadness that it takes so long to find that out. But then I remember how long it took to have my biological children. I remember my first thought in the first moment that I held Asa was that I would do it all over again just to have Asa. Not any child. Asa. I would endure all that waiting, crying, and speculating just to have Asa. If you've heard my testimony with my child-bearing years, you know that E came along just as easily as possible. Asa was only 8 months old when we learned we were pregnant with Eli. Mercy, I always say.
For this next phase of adding to our family, God is writing a different story. I could spend it crying and speculating. God knows we've done enough of all that. Yet, we have so much faithfulness to point to. We KNOW He is in control. We KNOW He is the One who will shape and mold our family. I trust Him. I trust His timing. I will wait for the children that God has for our family. I'm sure I'm going to have my moments (may have already but I'm not telling!! :) but I'm going to trust and I'm going to wait.
In the meantime, I hope and pray that I will make everything of the time I have as a family of 4. I have very few regrets in life. But I regret that I was unable to love life with just me and Mark in the couple of years prior to our children. I was very busy wrestling with God. And what huge blessing and sanctification for both us He has done in that process. But I would hope that I've learned my lesson!
So, how's that for deep. Somewhere in there, my 12-year old dog's arthritis is related to God's faithfulness. At least in my mind, it is.
This has been SOOOOOO random. If you made it this far, thanks for doing so. This adoption thing is really so unique to anything we've ever done so far. (doh!?) Thanks for letting me process outloud during your blog reading time.
So, here's a few family pics of how we are enjoying our time!!
July 4th on the Boat
My true first born
Mark thinking he is going to stand up and surf on the tube behind the
boat like his 6 y.o. phenom son.
Our 6 y.o. phenom son 'surfing' the tube while the boat is pulling them.
This pictures cracks me up.
Eli and Grant (friend) laying on the tube waiting for us to go.
We are totally anchored eating lunch.
Not having any intentions of moving yet and every 5 minutes,
they shout 'Are y'all ready to go yet???"
My Fritch Men!
