Thursday, September 23, 2010

Conflicted Emotions and a Pending Pity Party visa email today. Typically, you get an email asking for your POA to come pick it up on Friday. Fridays are the coveted day for a printed visa. All we need is a little sticker in her book to bring her home. That's it. A little sticker. That's ALL we have needed since JUNE!! So, we may get something tomorrow but chances are real good that we're looking at waiting a whole other week - again with no guarantees. And still, 3 of our 5 waiting families are in Ghana picking up their kids because their visas were printed last Friday.

What I want to do is crawl in bed, pull the covers up, have a great cry, and go to sleep.

What I feel like I should do... pull up my big girl panties and enjoy my 2 boys who are home with me right now.

What I want to do is grieve because I keep missing milestones and moments with my the first time she learns a new trick or tastes a new food or learns a new word or laughs her head off at something.

What I feel like I should do is be thankful for all the upcoming memories I am privileged to experience with my daughter.

What I want to do each night is curl up with my girl and hold her tight and tell her how special she is and how much I love her.

What I feel is empty arms and so I curl up with her blanket instead.

What I want to do is SCREAM because there is an unknown force that will not complete a process that is taking an UNREASONABLE amount of time in order for me to be reunited with my daughter.

What I feel like I should do is remain calm and quiet.

What I want to do is pitch a fit and say a lot of cuss words that I'm thinking anyway.

What I feel like I should do is be patient.

What my mind wants to do is wonder how much longer this can go on? We are already WAY past the point we thought she would be home. We continue to pass holidays where there is an empty seat at the table.

What I feel like I should do is continue to have HOPE that it will happen any day now.

The TRUTH is that God called us to this adoption. I know He will see us through to the end. God knew Zoe would be mine before the beginning of time. She couldn't be any more my daughter than if she came from my body. God is GOOD. God does not change. God is with Zoe. And God is with me.

I believe this. I am trusting in this.
But right now, my emotions suck.


  1. Much love to you, sweet friend. I would be an absolute mess too. I know He's got it all under control but I sure wish I was privy to all of the WHY?!

  2. I love your heart. And how feisty you are.

  3. I'm with you! I completely understand. I am praying for us both, and for all our kids. Lots of hugs and tears heading your way! (Sometimes it is just nice to have someone to cry with).

  4. Know how ya feel! We've been waiting almost 7 months JUST for our dossier to get sent to Ghana! We've seen people who started WAY after us meet their kids, adopt them... It's like you gotta be happy for everyone else, but you just wanna scream & pout b/c it's them not you! Hope you get her VISA soon! I know you're sick of waiting!

  5. Love you......I'm praying all the time to get our girl home! Christi

  6. Honestly and truthfully, I pray for you each day and am so sorry you are going through such a torturous wait....Charmaine

  7. I am sorry. I hope you get your visa very soon.

  8. Praying for that day to come quickly (when our faith becomes sight concerning little Zoe!) I can't believe it has taken this long!! But I know it will all be worth it to bring her home! SOON...JESUS! Please!